STAGE MOMMA!

How time flies so fast...
Today i filed for half-day leave in the office because i have to watch my son perform in their school program.
Gone where the times when i WAS part of the school presentations.
Gone where the times when my mother was the one who would be very busy looking for a set of Maria Clara dress for me to wear on one of my school performances, being part of the folk dancers.
Or squeezing in on the family budget another pair of dress for our modern dance number.
Most students have had that kind of experience during their school lives.
My mother was the one who is so busy preparing for my needs back then.
She was the "FAN" and i was the star.
Now, with my son fitting the shoes that once fit me...
I am now the "FAN", and my son becomes my star.
I have to attend to his every single performance.
I have to encourage him.
Tap him at the back for a good performance, eventhough it was just really very ordinary.
Prepare him if its an academic challenge.
Feeling very proud whenever he bags an academic competition.
Its my time now to support my son...
and perhaps, i am now the stage mom that most mother ought to be.

MENTOS ME!

MENTOS! hard on the outside, soft in the inside.

That is precisely myself.
People may think im a tough woman.
hard as a rock.
insensitive.
inconsiderate.
unfeeling.
heartless.
and so on...

its just my facade.
the truth is...
im sensitive.
very very sensitive.
at times a word could really affect me.
at times a simple unthoughtful gestures could already hurt me.

i may not show my true emotion all the time.
i may be good at concealing what i really feel.

but its just me protecting myself.
its just me, making so hard to teach myself a lesson or two.

but im still human deep within this skin.
im still the usual sensitive woman...as woman should be.

i just look tough to you.
but really, inside...if you would take time to know me really well,
you'll think of me differently.
surely you will change your mind.

MENTOS ako!!! MENTOS!!!

STORIES OF MY PROFESSIONAL TRIBULATIONS... Follow the rules so that you won't have to be corrected

If you don't like to be corrected...do the right thing!

Other people are just too stubborn to follow rules.
And when you correct them, they get so irritated they think you are the SUPER VILLAIN of their lives.
Oh pleasssse!!!

Try sometimes to acknowledge your mistakes, so that you may have room to correct it.

Here in my work, a lot of people doesn't want to be corrected.
Dont know why.
They just dont appreciate it!
They feel overly sensitive when corrected.
They often feel like its a personal thing if you call their attention on some concerns.
And yet most often, they have a hard time following rules.
Rules that have been existing since day one of the company's existence more than 25 years ago. How's that!
How hard can that be?

IM NOT INCONSIDERATE, mind you!!!
Im a tolerable person, i swear!
Im just instigating the rules here...the forgotten rules.
Bear with me, co-workers!
I can really be a pain in the ass if i need be...if it would mean DISCIPLINE to the entire organization.

Hell, if all of you would come together to kick me out...
then, BRING IT ON!!!

It's kind of upsetting on my part too, you dont know that!

Note to self:
How long can i survive with these kind of mindsets...Arrrrgh!!!
Patience is a virtue, Adeth! Patience is a virtue!

Came across this Filipino poem...
kung ginawa man itong tula na ito dahil sa pagibig...
then probably ito na ang pinaka-romantikong tula na nabasa ko sa Filipino.
Parang naguumapaw sa pighati ang pusong pinanggalingan ng tulang ito...


Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.
Maisusulat ko, halimbawa: "Mabituin ang gabiat nanginginig, bughaw ang mga tala sa malayo."
Lumiligid sa langit ang simoy-gabi at umaawit.
Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.Minahal ko siya, at minahal din niya ako paminsan-minsan.
Sa mga gabing ganito, ibinilanggo ko siya sa aking mga bisig.Ulit-ulit ko siyang hinagkan sa lilim ng walang-hanggang langit.
Minahal niya ako, paminsan-minsan ko rin siyang minahal.Sino ang hindi iibig sa kaniyang malalaki't mga matang tahimik.
Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.Maiisip kasing hindi na siya akin. Madaramang wala na siya sa akin.
Maririnig ang gabing malawak, at mas lumalawak kung wala siya.At pumapatak sa kaluluwa ang bersong tila hamog sa pastulan.
Maano kung hindi siya mabantayan ng aking pag-ibig.Mabituin ang gabi at hindi siya kapiling.
Ito na ang lahat. May umaawit sa malayo. Sa malayo.Hindi mapanatag ang kaluluwa ko sa pagkawala niya.
Upang waring ilapit siya, hinahanap siya ng aking mata.Hinahanap siya ng aking puso, at hindi siya kapiling.
Ganito rin ag gabing nagpapusyaw sa ganito ring mga punongkahoy.Kami, sa tagpong iyon ang nagbago.
Hindi ko na siya mahal, natitiyak ko, ngunit minahal ko siya nang todo.Hinahanap ng tinig ko ang simoy upang hipuin ang kaniyang pandinig.
Nasa iba. Siya'y nasa iba. tulad noong katalik siya ng aking mga halik.Ang kaniyang tinig, malinaw na katawan. Ang kaniyang matang walang-hanggan.
Hindi ko na siya mahal, natitiyak ko, ngunit baka mahal ko siya.Napakaikli ng pag-ibig, napakahaba ng paglimot.
Dahil sa mga gabing ganito na ibinilanggo ko siya sa aking mga bisighindi mapanatag ang kaluluwa ko sa pagkawala niya.
Kahit ito na ang huling pighating ipapataw niya sa akin,at ito ang huling mga bersong isusulat ko para sa kaniya.
isinalin ni Virgilio Almario


ganda noh?

MY PROFESSIONAL TRIBULATIONS...MGA TAONG WALANG PANININDIGAN!

A huge part of my work as an HR is disciplining our employees fairly...may it be a rank and file, supervisory or the Managers. Although discipling Managers is very seldom, but most often than not, when it comes to the Managers, i leave it at a counseling level. A heart to heart talk at the most.
I find myself in limbo if it involves a Supervisor. The ego of the Supervisor plus the silent buttressing of their Managers are agonizingly ripping me off my goal - - - to DISCIPLINE.
I have this recent case wherein a driver who was referred by our Senior Manager (the driver is the brother of his close buddy - - - talk about Filipino Culture) was hired in our Company. Several employees, even I, have attested that the said driver lacks the good driving skills. Whenever he drives you for an errand, you could swear and curse your way to your destination. Taking a nap is impossible when you are his passenger. Apart from this lack of skill, the driver may seem to have an attitude problem as well. He has been with the company for less than a year but the incident reports involving him is already piling up, aside from the unreported cases that i have heard the employees were talking about (i only respond to documented reports since i do believe that unless it is written, everything will remain a hearsay.)
Eventually the driver's bad attitude had taken a heavy toll on him when someone submitted a written report of his unseemly behavior. Noticeably, the Senior Manager who vouched for him is on his side, subtly protecting him. We processed the case using the facts and following the course of action as written in the company's sacred CRR.
Eventually, another incident report arrived at my office regarding the driver's recent car mishap. Based on his report, a tree branch fell on the hood of the car causing the damage. But the pictures were noticeably arguable, thus we conducted our own investigation and true facts surfaced that they had actually hit a cow. The misleading report warants them the necessary disciplinary action, including the driver's supervisor who by the way is also very close to the Senior Manager. Until the very last question of the investigation, the driver and supervisor seemed to have not shown any sign of regret for their wrong doing. And insisted that there was no malicious purpose on the case. My intuition, although cannot be used to support the case, is saying that the Senior Manager had asked the Supervisor to cover up the incident of negligence done by the driver. Coz it would look more reckless if reported to have hit the cow than to report that a branch fell on the hood.
Just the same, the end didnt justify the means...thus, the Supervisor also became liable of the entire case being an accomplice if i may say. And it doesn't end there. The Manager of the Supervisor, upon realizing that his man may also recieve a suspension, he becomes very defensive as well, and tries so much in his own influence to forbid us from presenting the supervisor with his verdict, saying that it was not the Supervisor's fault and that if i pursue with it i may have to face the Senior Manager. What the heck!!! WTF!!! Saan naman ang paninindigan ng Manager na'to? Like i care if i have to deal with the Senior Manager. Im not a bit scared coz i am only doing my job. Infact they hired me to do this. They are paying me to work out these kind of things. Pinahihirapan ko ba buhay nila? Or sila ang nagpapahirap saken? It really pissed me off to hear that coming from the Manager. Tama bang ipagpilitan nilang ituwid ang baluktot?
Is it wise for them to tolerate the driver? I think it was stupid! Much so to tolerate the foolish request of the Senior Manager to the point of compromising their own integrity. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! As a person, i wouldn't make right what is wrong just for a person even if the person asking me this makes my world spin. I won't tolerate that!
What makes it unbelievable that it seems that everything is pointing indirectly to the Senior Manager but noone is claiming that he is also part of this.
Our company is composed of 98% male employees, including the Managers. Adding to that, the nature of the company's work is one that you may claim as MANLY job. The company itself illustrates machismo image with all the bigotry. Hell, im lost in the wilderness overflowing with chauvinistic pigs.

PAPER CLIPS

Di gaya ni Bob Ong na binibigyang halaga ang mga paper clips nya at nireremind pa sa editor nya na isauli ang kanyang mga paperclips, ako namay naaalibadbaran sa mga ito.
Makalat ang mga ito para sa akin. Mas gusto kong gamitin ang stapler at fastener. At para lamang kumonti ang mga paper clips sa mesa ko, kahit isang page lang na memo ang nilalabas ko ay kinakabitan ko ng paper clip.
At siguro kung may magreregalo sa akin ng paper clip sa pasko gaya ng ginawa ng editor ni Bob Ong, malamang pagkabit kabitin ko na lang ang mga ito para maging kwintas at gawing game prizes sa christmas party ng mga anak ng empleyado namen.
Sadya nga bang walang halaga ang mga ito? O hindi ko lang binibigyang halaga ang role nila?
Mga paperclips... parang mga taong laging andyan sa paligid mo, pero di mo naman kelangan.
Mga taong laging nandyan, pero pwede naman talagang kahit wala.Hehehe.

Dreaming of Ship

Again with my dream series...

Lately i was a bit frustrated because i felt that my life is just going down the drain.
Its really depressing to have such kind of realization.
The night when my frustration had really hit hard on me,
i dozed off amidst a terrible migraine attack.
I dreamt i was in a ship that was about to sail. I was with people i hardly know.
Then the rest of the dream was already vague.

According to a dream dictionary, the ship is a symbol of your life journey from birth to death. A departing ship means a separation or change. Being on a ship denotes that you are dissatisfied with your life and want a change. Sinking ship is a warning about an unhealthy relationship.

Call it coincidence huh?!

USAPANG MUNI-MUNI

Every now and then may naiisip tayong mga gustong gawin sa buhay. Mga wants and needs or dreams na pinipicture sa isip natin habang nagdi-daydream tayo.

Every now and then we take a halt sa mundane task natin everyday para magmuni muni sa mga gusto nating gawin at maging sa mga nagdaaang mga pangyayari sa buhay natin.

Madalas kong ginagawa ang pagmumuni muni. At napansin ko lang kahapon, na parang cue rin pala ang mga usual na ginagawa ko para paulit ulit kong naiisip ang mga madalas kong iniisip. Gets nyo???

Mula ng ibenta ko sa magtatalaba ang aking super oldy na si boknoy...bumalik ako sa pagcocommute...at kasabay ng pagsakay sa pampublikong sasakyan ay naging habit ko na rin na pinipinta sa isip ko ang pinapangarap kong susunod na kotse. Kung saan ako kukuha ng pambili. Kung kaya ko ba talagang bumili. Kung alin ang mas magandang kulay. Kung saan ako posibleng magpunta sakaling meron na akong kotse. Minsan nagtatalo pa sa utak ko kung makakabili nga ba ako o hindi na. At walang poknat yan...yan lang ang naiisip ko habang bumibiyahe ako papuntang opisina lalo pa't nasasakyan ko ay buwakaw na jeepney driver. At yan din ang naiisip ko habang nakikipagsiksikan sa jeep pauwi sa hapon at nadidikit ang balat ko sa katabi kong naglalagkit o kaya naman ako mismo ang nanlalagkit. Haaaaaaaay.

Sa bahay naman, kapag pumasok nako sa CR at nagsindi ng yosi para magbawas...at kung minsan ay pinipilit lang magbawas para lang may dahilan para makapagyosi, ang paborito ko namang iniisip ay ang magiging itsura ng ipapagawa naming bahay. Kung ano ang mga ilalagay kong features sa bahay. Anong kulay ng pintura. Gaano kalaki ang mga espasyo ng bawat portion ng bahay. Anong halaman ang ilalagay ko sa harap. Anong decors ang ikakalat ko sa kabahayan at kung anu anu pang detalye. Paulit ulit lang din yan tumatakbo sa isip ko kapag nasa CR na ako at may hawak ng yosi. At madalas pa, paglabas ko ng CR ay mauuwi ako sa pagsusukat ng bahay para sa naiisip kong mga detalye.

Kapag naglalaba naman ako e kadalasan masama ang epekto saken kapag sinabayan ko ng pagmumuni muni. Dito kasi natutuon ang oras ko sa pagiisip ng mga hindi magagandang pangyayari sa buhay ko. Sa pagalala sa mga taong nagdulot ng hinanakit saken mula pa sa nagdaang dekada. Gusto ko ang gawaing paglalaba. Ito ang paborito kong gawaing-bahay bukod sa paglilinis ng buong kabahayan kapag ako'y walang pasok. Pero madalas akong natatapos sa paglalaba ng mainit ang ulo. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa pagod o dahil nanumbalik ang lahat ng hinanakit ko. Minsan pa nga nararamdaman kong hinihingal ako na akala mo ay talagang nagagalit. Kaya nga mas gusto kong may kausap kapag naglalaba ako para di ko maisip ang mga iyon. Mabuti na nga lang din at isang beses sa isang linggo lang ako naglalaba. Isipin mo na lang kung everyday ako naglalaba, aba'y para na rin akong pinagsakluban ng langit non a.

Kapag namamalantsa naman ako, doon ko naman naiisip lahat ng mga nagawa kong katangahan sa buhay. Mga maling desisyon. Mga maling nasabi. Mga maling kinilos. Mga maling nagawa. Sa oras ng pamamalantsa ko minsan naiisip na gusto kong kurutin ang sarili ko sa singit dahil sa mga kapalpakang yun.

Syempre bago matulog, oras ko naman yun ng pagmumuni muni sa buhay ko sa kabuuan. Oras ko naman yun sa Diyos. Panahon ng pakikipagusap sa kanya. Paghingi ng dispensa sa paulit ulit kong ginagawang kasalanan. At pagpapasalamat. At paghingi ng pambili ng kotse at pampagawa ng bahay. Hehe.

Ibat-ibang oras. Ibat ibang pagkakataon. Masarap magisip. Kahit may epekto. Nagiging therapeutic kung minsan. Minsan naman ay nakasasama. Sabi nga the way we think can affect our lives greatly. So make sure yung positive ang lagi nyong iisipin. Kung may gusto kayo sa buhay...claim it! In your mind, ariin nyo na. After all We are what we think!

Bye, Col. Douglas!

One morning, while i was tending my mini garden i saw a brown caterpillar feasting on a leaf. I called my son right away as it might interest him. He asked if he could take care of the caterpillar so we took the brown worm and placed it in a little container filled with so many leaves. My son then named the caterpillar Col. Douglas. He was so enthralled with his new found pet that he kept Col. Douglas beside him the whole day, checking the tiny worm every now and then and very much in awe everytime he sees Col. Douglas munching on leaves and pooping.
It was kind of charming to see my son very enthusiastic with something, like the worm. It made him very much occupied for the day. Adding to that, i have seen his respect with other life forms that even for the tiny worm, he took time to give it a name. Sleeping time came, he is worried that ants might attack the defenseless Col. Douglas. He felt that he needs to find the right spot to place Col. Douglas throughout the night. Morning came, he greeted his pet. Then he went to school. When he came back from school, he found the container empty. Col. Douglas was gone. He felt sad for awhile, then convinced himself that maybe Col. Douglas is about to become pupa thus the need to leave. Maybe i should get my son a real pet soon. Being an only child can really become so boring, i think he needs to have an outlet like a pet where he can practice being responsible.

YOU ARE LIVING THE LIFE I WANTED.

It is kind of frustrating to be living your life in someone else's dream...
but it is equally frustrating to see your dream being lived by someone else.
At times i cant help myself to be envious with the people around me who are enjoying the things and the life that i wanted.
I know that I should be thankful and appreciative of the blessings I have...big or small.
But somehow times like this really do come once in awhile when we get to ask ourselves, "what could they have done that i failed to do?"

LIZZY THE LIZARD

We just recently moved in to our new home. The house is still a bit bare, with no ceiling at all but has aluminum insulation instead so that heat from the roof will not exude inside the house.
Since we moved in, i usually see a lot of house lizards everywhere. Lizards in all shapes and sizes.
I see some house lizards that are a bit enormous compared to others, perhaps they have endulged too much on bugs which is also very abundant in the house by the way. Sometimes, there's those lazy ones who seemed become catatonic for an hour. Some are very aggressive, they are attacking huge butterflies which is thrice their size. Some have cut tails, perhaps due to accidents in doors and windows. My favorite is Lizzy. She...or he (I think it is appropriate to use "IT", but i want to think of Lizzy as female even though i haven't checked it out yet) stands out from the rest because she is very mestiza. She's so pinkish all over even if she is already an adult. I think she's the prettiest in her "kalahi".
I usually just let them play around the house, in the ceiling most of the time. At times i talk to them to excuse if they're in the doors or windows that i'm closing so that they wont be crushed to death.
I dont really like lizards as pets, moreso to touch it. They are very cold, of course because they are reptiles. I remember when i was in gradeschool. I was in a rush to leave home for school, i slip on my shoes and my foot felt something inside. When i check, it was a lizard that ended its life when i had my foot inside my shoe. I couldn't forget the feeling of their its touching my skin...nakakakilabot.
But because they are not considered as pest. I respected their existence. They dont harm us so no point of getting rid of them. Law of Karma perhaps.
Everywhere, i see a lot of lizard poops as well. I sometimes wonder why their poop has that white cap everytime. Then i learned from researching that Lizards, just like birds do not urinate. Thus uric acid in their body are released at the same time when they poop. And usually, the white caps are released first before the black one. And this white caps are called URATE. Bright colored urate usually indicates that the lizard is well hydrated.
Isn't that amazing?
House lizard can also be a good pet though, they are very low maintenance. You dont need to feed them, bathe them and find a nest for them. If they die, they dont smell so much. As long as you have walls and ceilings, lizards can find a home already. Having bugs in the house may bring Lizzy and its kind to euphoria then.